Thank you for joining me your host Liz Clifton and my wonderful take34u Self Care Series: Creating Calm Confidence Guest Eva Blake as we share self-care secrets, top tips and stories of our experiences.

It's an absolute pleasure to support you with your own selfcare journey as you take34u and enjoy our chat below:

Eva Blake & Liz Clifton Interview

Eva Blake
Shows creative people how to master their sexual power, sustain passionate relationships, and be exceptional leaders who transform the world.   She created Mastering Desire — a mentorship in sex, love, and leadership — to give you the erotic, emotional, and embodiment tools to generate the intimacy, ecstasy, and success you are worthy of.   Certificated in Sexological Bodywork, Somatic Sex Education, and Transformational Coaching, Eva has been a sex, love, and leadership coach for more than a decade.  Eva is also a kinky, queer femme, pitbull mama growing a veggie garden that currently feeds the neighborhood raccoon.  

Eva Blake (she / her / hers) Sophisticated Sex, Love, & Leadership Coaching Certified Sexological Bodyworker Certified Somatic Sexuality Educator
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Sexual Self Care checklist: https://offers.liberatingdesire.com/ld/sexualselfcarechecklist/

Eva Blake & Liz Clifton Interview Transcription:

Liz Clifton: Hi, welcome to the beautiful and the wonderful Eva Blake. She shows creative people how to master their sexual power, sustain passionate relationships, and be exceptional leaders who transform the world. She created Mastering Desire in Mentorship in sex love and leadership to give you the erotic, emotional and embodiment tools to generate the intimacy, ecstasy and success you are worthy of. We are all so worthy ! She is a certified sexological bodyworker, somatic sex education and transformational Coach. She has been a sex love and leadership Coach for more than a decade. She is also, she would like me to add a kinky queer femme pit bull mama, growing a veggie garden that currently feeds the neighborhood raccoon.  

Eva Blake: All of that is true!  

Liz Clifton: I love it. And it's so open and authentic. It's perfect. Thank you. Okay, so we will kick off with, what does self-care mean for you?  

Eva Blake: Self care means so much for me. Some days self-care, means like the most basic elements of survival, right It is. Did I drink enough water Did I eat enough food am I going to bed at a reasonable hour? Right like, am I, in a rhythm that is making sure that my biological organism is not going to explode? And some days self-care is like reaching the pinnacle of like ideal self best practices, feeling like that, that moment when I have been hiking all day and I finally get to the top of the mountain or to the Vista and I like drop the backpack and I like, open my arms. And I'm just like, yes, this is it! This is it! And I can see for miles and miles and miles, like sometimes self-care is that moment when the wind is just all across my face and on my body and where I'm, I feel like I've worked all the muscles, but yet I'm totally enlivened by being alive. So I love, I love the conversation about self care because it's so dynamic and it means so many different things to different people. And it is, it's all about to me, it's all about being alive, being in best self, aliveness.  

Liz Clifton: I love it. And so, yeah, dynamic. That's what really stood out for me with that. Yeah. And how do you, ensure that you get the self care that you need on a daily basis?  

Eva Blake: I use mechanical logistical things like timers and I schedule when I wake up and I have an alarm that says it's time to turn off the lights and put your phone away. And, I have people in my life who remind me, like when I'm talking late at night on the phone, they're like, "Hey, it's past your bedtime". And I'm like, "you're right". And you know, and the other thing is, is like, I also look in my calendar and I I'm like right now I'm on flex week. Where I'm like, I don't have clients scheduled so that I can catch up on things, but also not grind myself, to the bone right. Where I can, I can stop looking at a computer a few hours earlier than I did maybe last week. Yeah. And, and so part of that for me, is actually creating a goal where, you know, where flex week in the future will actually be, the computer gets turned off and I actually go outside for days and days and days and days.  

Eva Blake: Right,  yeah. So, so it's also like, there are things that I'm doing every single day, and then there are things that I'm creating today that are, are a bit aspirational, like, like flex week is for example. Yeah. And so I think the other thing is like, I, I always carry my cup of water with me, you know, like everywhere I go. And, and so it's really about, creating new habits, ensuring that I do the habits and then creating new ones to make sure that I'm doing it every day. And then when I'm not, when I can feel it like, okay, timeout, gotta just do a big reset, push the reset button and then, you know, start fresh, not like fresh tomorrow, but even just start fresh today. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love that. No, putting it to tomorrow. Just get started now. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. That's brilliant. And so, when you're doing your checking in with yourself, you know, on the days when it's going good or it's not going so good. Are you checking in on like your emotions, your mental wellbeing, physical and spiritual, or does it vary?  

Eva Blake: Such a good, good question. So I noticed for myself that, when I, when I get like emotionally frustrated, like, something is like, I'm going to gesture this way. Cause I have a secondary computer screen. That's like twice as big as the one I'm looking at here. And it generally has like 75 windows open. And so when I'm like looking at this thing and I'm like, it's not going the way I want it to go. And I get in this kind of like eyes wide and wild, but it's a frustrated wild, you know, it's like a, this is not working. Right. I noticed that when I get into that space and I kind of stay there for more than like five minutes, I also probably haven't drank enough water. I probably haven't gotten up out of the chair for a little while and moved my body.  

Eva Blake: I probably haven't gone to the toilet. And so, I may not have eaten and, so, so there's, so I know that for myself, there is a clear relationship between my emotional elevation and my, my biological functions. Right. And I also know that if both of those two things are true, then I probably also, haven't spent time recently in some kind of meditative place where I'm quiet and I'm intentionally bringing down my energy to level out and then generating the kind of energy that I really want to be living in. Right. So all of those are signs that let me know that I get to take a shift. And sometimes, you know, sometimes, like I mentioned earlier, like the grind, right. Sometimes I'm literally like, okay, I've got, I've got five minutes or 10 minutes before my next phone call. And I have to be sitting here and I have to be on the camera and I gotta be like having a smile.  

Eva Blake: Right. And so I'm like, okay, get the, get the playlist, get away from the desk. My desk is on wheels. So I just like pushed the desk away. And then I, now I have a dance floor and I'm just like five minutes. That's all, I need five minutes, five minutes. Right. And then it is like a physical, emotional, spiritual, biological experience all at once because now I've like literally cleared the room in order to shift in order to come back. Right. And it's all about, for me, a lot of times it's about like clearing the clutter of my brain space so that I can be fully present. And, and, and I can, you know, I can, I can work through a lot of like my tumbling, my, we might be rumbling a little bit, but I can stay present. But like, if I have 35 thoughts going on, like birds migrating and crisscrossing across the continent, like I am, I cannot be present. So it's critical that get my brain game in order. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love that. And I love the pushing the desk away. And then you have your, your freedom space, your joyous space.  

Eva Blake: Absolutely, absolutely!  

Liz Clifton: Beautiful. And when you're looking at self-care and celebrating wins and really, you know, having those joyful moments, what are some of your favorite activities?  

Eva Blake: Yeah, that's a great question. I think that in short, when it's a short moment, it really is like jumping up and down. Right. It's like getting out of the chair, pushing it away, this the same kind of vibe it's like, it's like change the energy, jump up and down. I just, I just recently read a book around, about around just like shifting my game around money. And, and the author was saying like, whether you like make a million dollars in a day or you like find a penny on the ground celebrate, celebrate, celebrate. Right. Cause it's all about, it's all about changing your mind. It's all about changing your energy. And so I've been doing that kind of celebration even for little stuff. Right. Right. Just celebrating, throwing my arms up and jumping up and down. Yes, I'm not, I don't celebrate with like, food or alcohol or anything like that. It's more, like laughter and jumping and kind of dancing around and like shaking the energy. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Ooooh I love that. You're inspiring me. I have to move now. Oh, that's lovely. And yeah, I love that with the energy and emotion, you know, it's like, it's the energy, in motion, e-motion, you know, it's beautiful. And just letting it flow through. And like you said, raising these vibrations.  

Eva Blake: Yeah, absolutely.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love it. So when you first came into self care, do you have, a memory of your first experiences with that?  

Eva Blake: Beautiful question that, that leads me like down the path of memory lane you know, I have to say that, you know, my first as an adult, my first real conscientious, continual effort at self-care really came. When I, when I like I've had a lifelong relationship with depression, you know, my entire life, like when I was, I was like 11, you know, of just a baby, literally. Right. I remember like feeling so confused and so disconnected, so lost, and it didn't know who to talk to and I didn't know what to do. And by the time I was like 22 or 23, you know, I had been on this round Robin experimental, like just all these different kinds of drugs, medication and narcotics. And, you know, like just like being both like being in a, kind of a medical institutional framework and then being in a completely wild disconnected, like pants on fire, you know, just ridiculousness.  

Eva Blake: Right. And so, and so in my mid twenties, I really got into this practice of, what would it look like to not be on drugs, either kinds of drugs and actually be in some kind of regulation in place for myself. And so I started seeing someone, who worked with me around breathwork as the very first time that I was able to practice something that engaged my body system, but also totally changed my mind at the same time. Where I was in relationship with someone without having to like use a bunch of words. And just that process of being in my breath was so powerful. And, and so even when I wasn't, in those moments, those sessions, I could feel I had a different relationship with my breath and my body later on. And I think that, you know, that's a really grounding practice so that when I, you know, just even a few years later, when I, you know, I went to some kind of like adult summer camp right in the woods.  

Eva Blake: And we were, was having a conversation with people and we actually created these little self care booklets. So when we were in this place, when we were, we're feeling good, we're out in nature, we're communing with each other, we're having good food. We're enjoying our time. Then we actually wrote things down, like, what are the things that I love to do for, and with myself? What are things that are like those survival things, like I talked about at the beginning, regular bedtime, regular awake time, regular water. Right. But the other things like, you know, being in a really dark place, at night and being able to see the stars, right. Like, oh, how that feeds me. Right. Playing, playing music or singing around a campfire with other people, how that, you know, nourishes me. And maybe that's not something I do every day, but there's some, there's some kind of way that when I create that for myself, God, I just, I just drink it in is like I'm at the fire hose, you know, like get it in my system, get it in, get it in.  

Eva Blake: Yeah. And I still have that, the booklet with me today as, I mean, it's been, I don't know, 15 years or more since that I wrote that. And so it's a really, just a beautiful reminder that, you know, it's always with me and that when I'm in like sort of my, my, my upright kind of waking self, right. That's the best time to write down what works for you when you're not in your best waking self. Right. Because I know that when I get into my not best self I'm, like, I don't know how to do anything and everything is terrible and nothing is working.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love it. And like you said, it's when we're in those moments that we, you know, we're searching for that help and that's the last moment that we can come up with what we need for that, how right.  

Eva Blake: Right. Yeah. I feel like now there should be an addendum to that little booklet that is like, you know, the FA my favorite people, you know, who's whose phone number gets to be there. It's like, you know, there's no guessing whether or not I can call them, you know, it's just like, just dial the number. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love it. Yeah. Getting that support network, that's so important.  

Eva Blake: Just even, even just sometimes listening to other people's voices, is so powerful to, you know, again, to just shift the energy and to, to create something new.  

Liz Clifton: So looking back over your whole experience of self care, if someone's coming at it for the first time, say, they've honestly never thought about themselves first, always put everybody ahead of them. And they're at that grind. They're at that, that empty place where they don't know what they need, what they're looking for, what would you suggest as the very first step?  

Eva Blake: I think that, I think that things that you might do for other people, like if you are somebody who's always giving to other people, I would be curious, you know, if, if, if you and I were having that conversation and you were that person. I would say, Liz, what are the things that you love to do for other people? And is that something that you would love for you? Because, because you already have some kind of template or some kind of image of what it looks like to do, or be a certain way for someone else. And you already know what it looks like when somebody else is grateful when you show up for them. Right. So hopefully right. That'd be an easy translation. Right. You've already seen it. You've already experienced it. Okay. Now, what would it look like for you to give that to you?  

Eva Blake: And I think the second part is, like anywhere you start is a good place to start. You know, it's like, it's not rocket science, right. And like, you know, when I'm talking to my own clients around sex and relationships and love.  It changes over the course of our lifetime, our body, our desire changes, what, what lights us up or turns us on all of that stuff changes over time. And so, you know, wherever you are now, today is a great place to start. And we're, however, wherever you want to start is a great place. And then I think the third thing is, have conversations with other people and ask them what they're doing. And get some kind of support where you're in some kind of relationship with others where you're engaged in some kind of conversation about it. So that it's not all just like, only living in the pinball machine of your own head. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: I love that. You've perfectly drawn in so many of the different questions that I had into there. Yeah. It's lovely. And as it's finding the time within yourself to give yourself the time and you already know exactly, as you said. You already do it for other people, and it's just remembering that you're worthy of having that self-care and that joy for you too.  

Eva Blake: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And it's such a, I think that, you know, we have the opportunity to generate such possibility. We have the opportunity to generate love and kindness and gratitude. And I think that, you know, that for me actually, gratitude is a place that I'm really practicing in. And in my own self care right now is, is how can I it's like, it's like finding the penny or finding, making the million dollars in a day. It's like throwing my arms up and like, yes, I'm so alive. Right. But, you know, am I willing to be grateful for like every single moment. So having a phone call with somebody, even if it only lasts for five minutes and I really loved them, like, oh, I'm so grateful. And just like generating that energy is, a new practice that I'm working with in self-care. As a way to, you know, it's like the, as important as my glass of water.  

Eva Blake: Yeah. Good.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love it. And you're right. The more that we're grateful for things, the more it flows. So the more we give out for it and then the more it flows and we receive. Yeah. Yeah. That's gorgeous. You are amazing. Thank you so much, so much.  

Eva Blake: You're welcome so much. It's such a pleasure.  

Liz Clifton: So my final question. Is that anything that you would like to share with the origins and anything extra?  

Eva Blake: Yeah, well, I was just working on my own, my sexual self-care checklist today actually, and finalizing that, because I think that this is a place where people get disconnected. They're like, oh, self-care looks like bubble baths and sex looks like this whole other thing that in this other different universe. And so, I've created a sexual self care checklist with just a variety of ideas for a lot of what we've been talking about today. Like how can you think about this in a way that actually honors who you are and honors your values and honors your emotional and your mental state? How, what are some ideas for, health and wellness? And then some like sexually explicit content that is, what can you, what can you do? Or what can you even think about that is it is a way that you can be caring to you in your explorations. So I want to offer that to you and offer that to your audience, just so that when we think about caring for ourselves, loving ourselves, it's a, it's an active process. It's a generative process. And that all the parts of us are not disconnected. Like they live in different universes right they. They all live right here inside of us. So really we just want to merge those parts of us so that we're all we are always all whole.  

Liz Clifton: Oh, I love it. Thank you so much. That is so generous.  

Eva Blake: Thank you.  

Liz Clifton: And yeah,  we are holistic beings. So every part of us, you know, gets, gets to be in that even if historically it's been a bit taboo, you know, we get to be open and yeah. Care for ourselves and all these beautiful ways.  

Eva Blake: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.  

Liz Clifton: That's lovely. Thank you  so, so much for your time. Appreciate that.  

Eva Blake: Thank you for asking me, Liz.  

Liz Clifton: You are so welcome.