Thank you for joining me your host Liz Clifton and my wonderful take34u Self Care Series: Creating Calm Confidence Guest Vanessa Ramirez as we share selfcare secrets, top tips and stories of our experiences.

It's an absolute pleasure to support you with your own self-care journey as you take34u and enjoy our chat below:

Vanessa Ramirez & Liz Clifton Interview

Vanessa Ramirez
Your fun loving coach with a passion and drive to see families healed, whole and united through rich connection and love. For the past 6 years she has been working with families as a behavior therapist and parent coach to empower and support them in creating a clear vision with attainable action steps that will bring about the change they desire to see and live. Currently she works as a Postpartum Doula supporting families in their transition to life after birth. It is her life's mission to spark the change we all want to see in our families today and the generations to come.

Vanessa Ramirez & Liz Clifton Interview Transcription:

Liz Clifton: And welcome. I am so excited to introduce the beautiful, the wonderful, the talented Vanessa.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Hello. Thank you my dear friend.  

Liz Clifton: Thank you so much for sharing your time and your expertise and experiences with us.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Thank you. Thank you. It is an honor. Honestly. Thank you. And doing all the work that we have done the leadership to where we are now such a blessing. Thank you.  

Liz Clifton: Aww, you are so, welcome. So we will kick off first question. What does self care mean to you?  

Vanessa Ramirez: I love that question. Because it is missing all too much in our world today. And when we get to bring it back.  Self-care is prioritizing me, prioritizing me and knowing that what I have to give to the world is important. But I cannot give what I do not have. But really making sure that I prioritize, you know, whatever that self care is to look like where I'm paying attention to me. Yeah. And just taking that much care that I would for anyone else. I get to do that for me first. So it could be taking a walk, which I enjoy my bubble bath or, something really silly, actually a watch, the little bear cartoon. And I have my little Teddy bear is actually off in the corner there, but I don't want to go off screen. But I hold my little teddy and I'll just watch my cartoon, you know. And so, yeah, I don't tell many people that. But it's my, my way of just calming down. It's comforting. And so just a few things that I do for self-care and that's what it means.  

Liz Clifton: Oh, I love that. That's so beautiful. And bringing you back to your childhood, almost that comfort.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah it's really good.  

Liz Clifton: So thinking of your very favorite self care moments and your favorite self-care memories, is that another one that you could share with us?  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah. Hmm. I think for me, nature is where I really ground myself and definitely in my faith and just praying and just reading my Bible. But also getting out into nature and just sliding my feet sink into the ground. And I'll just get an umbrella, make my favorite cup of tea. And just being able to sit outside and calming myself is so old show just healing for me. And I'm able to breathe. And that's where I feel like, okay, whatever's ahead of me. I can tackle it so much more effectively because I'm grounded. I have air and, you know, air in, my lungs and I'm getting blood to my brain. And so I can think clearly. And so for me, how creating those moments have been really vital for my sustenance. My ability to create all that I do, especially in the field that I'm in. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Oh, that's beautiful. Yeah. And nature is so healing.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah. It really is.  

Liz Clifton: So thinking back to when you very fast came to self-care. Can you remember your first experience of it?   

Vanessa Ramirez: Awkward.  Because being myself first is not, was a bit foreign for me. You know, putting yourself first feels oddly enough, feels selfish. You know And so it's easy to do to run on empty thinking that, you know, on being a savior when I'm running on empty. Because I think from that space I'm giving to the world. You know, it's better to give than to receive mindset. And, and I just remember feeling like this is a little uncomfortable. It's a little, I just feel selfish. And, it actually wasn't until few years ago. And definitely more recently within this past year and a half where I really started to dedicate time to myself. And I noticed that my output was greater because I was getting such rich input of self care. Whereas before resentment was all too common. Because I was always giving from empty and also a lot of self depreciating thoughts. Because it was always, I'm not good enough. I'm not, you know, a lot of these thoughts that didn't serve me because I was empty. And so every, all of the negatives on my day were magnified because I was still focused on what didn't work. Because of how empty I was. And so when I first started doing self care, I noticed those incremental changes where I felt more, just more alive. And I could see more clearly and I can give with the full heart as opposed to, from an empty heart. So awkward at first, but definitely growing into seeing the value.  

Liz Clifton: Oh, that's amazing. Thank you so much for sharing so openly and honestly with us. Yeah. I really appreciate it. And I know that we support a lot of people who perhaps are just coming to south care, you know, for that very first time. And feeling those selfish feelings, just like me. Yeah. Completely resonate with that. So at the very beginning, as you were taking those very first few steps into self care, and it was feeling really awkward. What would you recommend for somebody to take as a very first step?  

Vanessa Ramirez: I think to see the vision. To really envision what it is that you want to see at the end, you know. Because it's, you can't walk into something, you have no idea what you're walking towards. You know, so for me it was seeing, okay, how does Vanessa want to feel at the end of this? I want to feel, I feel energetic. I want to feel rejuvenated. I want to feel that I matter. And for me, it was a big piece of knowing my worthiness that I can take those moments to take care of myself. And so I think the biggest piece for me that I would share with people who are struggling with self care and I noticed the pattern is that people usually struggle with it are really great at giving. Giving till they have nothing left to give. And for those individuals, I would really just love to impart encouragement, to know that you are valuable. That your self care is vital for your ability to continue giving such a greater way.  

Vanessa Ramirez: So really seeing one, the vision of how you want to feel at the end and from that space. Because you love to give already, which is what I do. How much more can I give if I'm giving to my first. So really having a clear vision of what it is you want to create. So when you walk into that space, you already know what you're creating. As opposed to just like, well, I'm just here, you know, when there's no clear intention. So sometimes it can feel like a waste of time at the end. But it's not. But when you have vision, it eliminates those thoughts of, well, that was really selfish. Or, you know, I don't, you know, it might've been wasted time. I probably could've done something more productive. That was the most productive thing you could have done all day. Yeah. Yeah. And so, and I think the likelihood of you feeling to, to do more self care because of the vision will be a lot more likely. So I think creating more times of self care will be, will increase because you see the value in it. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah.  I love that. So using that vision that goal as the fuel to actually power you into the  self-care. And then enable you to see, you know, what you're headed towards. So yeah, it gives you the result as well. That's beautiful. Thank you.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Thank you.  

Liz Clifton: So I'd like a daily basis for yourself. Do you find that you check in with yourself, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and mentally, or does that vary on a day to day?  

Vanessa Ramirez: It does. That's a good question. Actually. I'm not really think about, but they, there are different quadrants to it and they kind of all flow together. Yeah, for me, I think it goes day to day, but the more that I increased taking care of myself and prioritizing, so I feel that I, I find that I'm kind of hitting all of those points more and more. And I know when I'm in a state of depletion, I'm completely ignoring all of those arenas. Yeah. So I definitely, for me, day to day, it's a work in progress progress. But it's definitely getting easier to be able to create that space for myself because now I know what it feels like it's not awkward anymore. Yeah. So spiritually, you know, being able to sit, stop and, you know, pray. And while I'm praying doing a body check and just like, oh, my shoulders are tense.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Wait my shoulders, my breathing shallow. Okay. Now check in emotionally where I, what am I feeling? Why am I tense? Oh, okay. I'm feeling a bit angry right now. A little bit angry. And I'm like, okay. And I might not feel it. Oh, wait, what did I do just before this? Oh, I just snapped at my dog. I just snapped at my husband. Oh, okay. Clearly my body I'm clearly bad. Something's up. Okay. Now let me mentally. What happened this morning I was happy at lunch. Oh. It was my call with my mom. I didn't have time because I had to go straight to a meeting right after the call. I didn't have time to process it. I'm pissed. And then I get to dive deeper from that point. That's huge. It's a, I get to do some coaching with myself. Release and breathe and have a much better day than I would if I didn't. Yeah. Big time.  

Liz Clifton: That's amazing. And thank you for walking us through that. And yeah, that was fantastic. And it shows the difference, you know. Where we then don't check in with ourselves. We carry on and it just builds.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah. It really does. It really, really does. And it can affect your whole day, your whole week until you stop. Pay attention. And realize, wait a second. I actually have a thorn in my shoe. Let me stop and get it out.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. Hi, thank you. And you mentioned about coaching yourself and do you also have, like a support network for if something comes up and you feel that you get to have a bit of extra support with that.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah, I did. I had my, my best friends, you know, from HCL Emily. yeah. And my best friend and I noticed she's my go-to person. And also I'm a, I'm a part of quite a few programs, myself, parent coaching and whatnot. So the best coaches have coaches and I too have coaches. And, so knowing that I have those supports and one that I tell my parents as a parent coach. I definitely really coached them around mindset and what support looks like. And so having that emotional support, having that, that just that physical presence, physical support as well. Because you know, there are parents who don't get hugged sometimes. You know, they're just going, going, doing, doing, doing. And so I get to ask those parents, you know, what does your support look like "Well, it's my mom". Okay. What does that look like?  

Vanessa Ramirez: "Well you know she There's a lot of judgment and stuff, but I mean, she's there and I get to talk to her." So I hear the plea to connect with mom, you know, with, with her mom. But the reality is, is that mom doesn't fit that role of emotional support quite yet. You know, so maybe mom just gets to this role and you get to have that. But somebody else gets to take that role of emotional support or physical support or whatever. So for me, I know it's identifying what that support gets to look like and who's the best person for it, but I'm basically interviewing. I'm in, I am requesting specific people to meet those needs as I would for them, you know. And so knowing that I have my team, I was just on a coaching call with a parent about that. You know, we get to give, but we also get to receive and having a beautiful team around you to support you in different arenas of your life is vital.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love that again, be fo you know, sort of walking us through every area of that. Thank you. And so you can back to yourself with your daily self-care. Do you have like a self care routine that you follow maybe in the mornings or throughout the day?  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah. Right now my routine, our body checks. So in this season for me with a lot of movement movement, I'm in a lot of training right now. I'm doing a lot of coaching. So my life is very fast paced and I'm also preparing for a wedding. So, so my, my day, yes, I know. I'm super excited. So my days go by pretty quickly. And I, the one thing that I get to continue to remind myself are doing my body checks. So, you know what I had, walk you through earlier where I'm just like, all right, my shoulders are tense. My breathing is a bit shallow, so it's those things. And it's usually at that time where I just take like, you know, taking five minute break to calm myself down. Or if I'm really heightened in a particular emotion, my predominant emotion that I've really been like working through is anger. it's one emotion that I've suppressed most of my life. And so it's one that's been coming up, you know. Because I never gave it space to express itself growing up. So now it's like, I'm here with a vengeance and I'm ready to show myself. And it's like, we let's, let's do this in a healthy way.  Vanessa Ramirez: I'm feeling that anger just raging. I get out my favorite songs. And so I pick a song for an emotion, you know, today I'm going to play, you know, whatever song that represents anger, you know, Kanye West, you know, Stronger is one of my songs. When I'm feeling really low and, you know, and I feel like I can't make it. I feel limited in my abilities to do what I want to create. And I'm feeling less than. I'm like, wait, you know what I'm putting on stronger. I'm going to dance, I'm moving the furniture out of the way. And I'm getting that energy out after I'm done. I feel so much better. So it's those little, little things.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. No, I love that. And bringing the dance in because we're literally letting the emotion flow. Because it's just emotion is just energy that we're holding and we release that. Yeah. That's beautiful. Fantastic. Top tip. Thank you.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah.  Vanessa Ramirez: For those emotions. Yep. Let it out. Yeah.

 Liz Clifton: I love it. and then it'll say like a power song as well. You know, just to kind of get you revved up before you're going into some things that perhaps you'd rather not be going into. But, you know, just to get you into those, these good, good mental spaces as well.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Absolutely. And if I could add actually one more thing too, to creating intention for your day, creating clear intention for your day. Cause the likelihood of you actually following through with your self-care is a lot more higher, right. So having clear intention today, I'm committed to working on this project, this project, this project. I have these meetings, I have these calls, you know, or I'm working from this time to this time. So I'm committed to having dinner in the crock pot, ready, cooking while I'm at work, whatever it is to look like. But I'm also committed to start of my day. I'm committed to creating self care every hour, every two hours. And so creating that intention. So you are setting yourself up for success mentally and emotionally. So you're ready to go out the door. So just wanted to add that really. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah, yeah. That's brilliant. And it ties in with everything you've said about intentions and just kind of planning through. So do you schedule self care as well?  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah. Something I'm working on working. Yeah. So scheduling that, it's kind of, for me, it's like, oh, I haven't done self car. So I'll like, take it, like, I'll take a break, but it's not really scheduled. It's something I would definitely like to do to really prioritize. And, yeah. So, and especially as I'm preparing for my wedding, you know, my weekends are also booked, you know. And so, so it's like, okay, I get to have some time for myself to refresh and just kind of ground myself. So I'm finding that my Friday evenings are just for me. Just for me in a Friday evenings, get taken up from, you know, another appointment. I try to block that out. No one gets to take that. But if, you know, if there's something that like, this is the only day, Friday is the only time that we can make this happen. I'm like, all right, cool. Well then I'll move my Friday to Saturday. But I try to minimize that as much as I possibly can. So I get to keep my Friday. Yeah. So that's more of the bigger, self-care more dedicated time. But more incremental times, that's where I'm working on creating more consistency.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love it. And you kind of explained as well within that. You know, whether your people around you are aware of that, it's your self-care time. So it's something that you're, you're kind of, you're working on and you've got a bit for the Fridays.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. Yay your self-care is important!  

Vanessa Ramirez: Really. Is it helps more than, you know, really, really does so much flows from that. Yeah so much flows. So yeah. I can talk more about that, but another, another conversation. Yes. We can do a full effort one. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: For your final question, how do you celebrate your wins?  

Vanessa Ramirez: That's a good one. That's a good one. And another one I'm working on more. My before I would completely go on. As soon as I completed something, which was, I'd go onto the next, I'd go onto the next. And I've been challenged a lot lately actually by my team, my coaches. And, and they've really been challenging me to, you know, what have you acknowledged yourself? You've just completed this, or you just did this or whatever. And so now what I've done is I actually a few fun, fun examples actually get bubbles and I'll blow bubbles. And I'll go, go for, I'll do like a fun walk or, and you know, I'll do something that I don't normally do to celebrate myself. And I also share the people that love me and check in with you, how are you I just did this. And I'm really proud of myself.  Vanessa Ramirez: So they also get to celebrate me too. So I get to invite them in on my celebration, you know. And it could, it's sometimes it's small and sometimes it's big or I'll go treat myself to my favorite restaurant or, yeah, yeah. It can be something small or big, but it's definitely, for me doing that is getting much more easier. The more I practice it. And with that comes self-worth. Because the more I practice, the more that I see, you know, what I am valuable and valuable. And then from that space, I get to create so much more because I'm not just doing, I'm being. I'm being Vanessa as opposed, to doing what I think Vanessa is supposed to do.  

Liz Clifton: Yeah. I love that. And you are, you S so where they, and yeah. You get to celebrate yourself and you get to have that, that joy and of being in flow of you and yeah, it's beautiful. And I can see, like, it's so much more, there's so much more like freedom with you and your being right now. And you're, you're glowing. It's beautiful.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Thank you. Yeah. Thank you my friend. Thank you. World needs more of this. Yeah, it really does.  

Liz Clifton: And for the very last bit, is there anything else that you would like to share with the audience at all?  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah, definitely. I would love to share with the parents that are watching. I would just love to encourage you to really see that you are doing your phenomenal parents and you get to prioritize you. Your care is so important. And from that space. How you parent is so impacted by how you take care of yourself. You cannot give to your children what you don't have for yourself. So have grace for yourself, prioritize your self-care. And if you get to create a team and do it, you know, do some bartering. You know, you already watched kids, you watch your own so offer to watch someone else's kids on a weekend. And then switch off and have a weekend to yourself. Those are just some examples that you can utilize, so that you can, you know, have that support for yourself. And really get that self care in. You know, so there's a ton of ways that you can create that. But making sure that you are taking care of you because how you parent and how you impart the best parts of you when your child comes from that space. So you get to be the best parent that you can be. That you've before your baby was born and how you create that is in your self-care. So prioritize it, make it happen. Yeah. And if you're stuck ask for help. So yes. Yeah.  

Liz Clifton: Thank you. Yeah. That is amazing.  You know, and it is, it's so true. Because it's like, you know, we get to put our oxygen mask on first and once we've sorted ourselves out and we're a good. We've topped our self care up to the max, we have so much more to flow out and then go serve all these other people around us.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Yeah, absolutely.  And, I also wanted to add to that, as far as having that support in that care, with my, what, what I do as a parent coaches, families, I get to also self care here. plug in one way that you guys can do it for those parents who are listening, a resource that I'll be giving Liz, and you can go ahead and click. I'm not sure how I'll do that, but I'm sure we'll have a link. And, you can check out some information and see what your next cut gets to be for you to really dive deeper into support. So what we do at parent coaching is really supporting the family with the core. And when you work on the core, everything that flows from that space, it's beautiful. It's powerful. So when changing one family at a time from the core from within, and that includes self care.  
Liz Clifton: Awww thank you. And thank you so much for sharing that. That's, that's really kind. I really appreciate that.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Thank you. Thank you, it's a joy and an honor. Seriously. 

Liz Clifton: Well thank you so, so much for your time. It has been, yeah. An absolute honor to have you here and for you to share all of your expertise.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Thank you.  

Liz Clifton: Thank you.  

Vanessa Ramirez: Have a wonderful day.